An N'Vious Night at Prom
by G-Pool
Summary: It's prom night at the Academy of Evil! What wacky adventures will Crash and friends get into this time?


In the vastness of space there lies a small blue planet. On that planet are everything from wildlife to civilizations to high tech machinery. Just outside of that planets orbit is a space craft, floating gently in the cosmos. Inside that station are two men, one short and stout with a missile crammed halfway into his head. The other an equally short yellow man with a large slur implanted into his forehead. The two are hard at work harnessing the power of a large purple crystal inside a glass tube in the center of the room. Although the calculations seem to be in order the yellow fellow drops his head and angrily kicks a nearby work bench.

"Dr. Cortex, what is wrong?" The missile man asked.

"Oh N. Gin," Cortex began, "Being essentially lobotomized due to that head injury of yours you wouldn't be able to understand. Cortex clenches his fists. "I'm just soo horny!"

Dr. N. Gin looked puzzled, and replied, "I don't think I can do anything about that master. But may I make a suggestion?"

Cortex was rubbing his temples and gave a nod to his partner without looking up at him. N. Gin began to type on a nearby computer and pulled up a camera feed on from Earth. Cortex looked up in wonderment at the screen.

N. Gin turned to his master, saying "Tonight is prom night at our old school, the Academy of Evil. It would be the perfect place for you to "Spit the snake venom""

Cortex grinned.

"Yes," he began. "This is perfect! Prepare us a drop ship N. Gin. We are heading there just as soon as I freshen up!"

The two went in different directions to prepare for the upcoming event. Cortex smiled to himself as he began changing in front of a mirror.

"Hehehehehehehehehe, Bandicoochie"

"Crash Get Up!"

A loud voice shook the heroic marsupial awake. Crash Bandicoot wiped the crust from his eyes. It was nearly 6 PM. He had slept for 20 hours. Crash slid his arms down off the sides off the bed reaching for a half empty 2-liter of grape soda. He shook it around for a second and realized it had gone flat, annoyed by this he tossed it back onto the ground next to the piles of other half empty 2-liter bottles of grape soda that became flat before the bandicoot could finish them. Lazily he slunked out of bed and made his way out of his room. Once in the hallway he could see Coco in her bedroom sitting in front of a mirror brushing her hair. She was wearing a light blue dress. Noticing her brother in the mirror a scowl quickly crawled across her face.

"Crash! We have to leave in a few minutes and you're still shirtless! Go into the bathroom and clean yourself up! I already laid out a nice outfit for you in there so go!"

Crash stood with a pained expression on his face, blinked twice slowly, and walked into the bathroom. Looking down he noticed a three-piece suit hanging from the shower rack. His sister had once again overlooked the fact that Crash Bandicoot has no neck, as well as no patience. In one fell swoop he pulled the undershirt on and thanks to the peculiar shape of his body the fabric was torn in half. Unphased by this mishap Crash through the blazer on over the shirt. He refused to change out of his jeans, as they were as much of a staple of his character as his shoes and fingerless gloves were. He slid into a nice pair of dress shoes and tied the laces tight. Before turning to leave he looked down at his tooth brush in a cup next to the sink. He looked at himself in the mirror, then back to the tooth brush. Crash left the bathroom and sat in the living room to wait for his sister.

Coco stepped out of her room, her dress sparkling in the light. She looked at her brother and rolled her eyes. She'd complain about the torn undershirt but she expected even less of him.

"Alright, let's get going Crash" Coco stated as she started towards the door.

The two of them climbed on top of the same Nitro Kart and sped off. Next stop, the Academy of Evil.

The sun has set the doors to the Academy of Evil fling open. Characters of all shapes and sizes pile in and begin to party. Koala Kong was the first to break out the sickest of Fortnite emotes on the dance floor, pumping both his massive fist and tiny leg in unison. Dingodile hit the snack trays and double dipped his chips every single time, fully aware that this would spread germs and disgust anyone who sees the dirty action take place. N. Tropy was DJing the event, spinning discs left and right to hit those peak funky beats. Not too far off from the academy's entrance a dropship crash landed into the ground. The door swung open and out stepped N. Gin and Cortex. N. Gin hadn't done anything to better his appearance, Cortex on the other hand was wearing a tight-fitting tank top, baggy camo jeans, a backwards ball cap and shutter shades.

"Come along now," Cortex stated to his partner in crime. "There's much to be done tonight."

The two made their way into the academy. Cortex scanned the room much like how he scans his computer for malware whenever he plays an illicit computer game. He's locked on to several beautiful bandicoot babes. Standing by the punch bowl was Ami, Megumi, Isabella, Liz, and of course Tawna Bandicoot. Cortex's mouth watered at the sight of these tall, beautiful women. He began to make his way over to them but was suddenly blocked off by a massive figure. Madame Amberly, the headmistress of the Academy of Evil stood before him.

"Hello Neo," she began. "What brings you out of hiding tonight?"

"Out of the way madame," Cortex retorts. "I have very important business with, that punch bowl over there."

Cortex began to shuffle around the large woman but she picked him up by the back of the neck. She brought him up to her level so she could look him in the eye.

"I don't remember seeing your name on the guest list little man."

Cortex looked nervous. This woman was always a cause of distress in Cortex's upbringing. Before he said anything N. Gin stepped up.

"He is my plus one ma'am. He is with me."

"Oh N. Gin!" Amberly spoke. "It's so nice to see you tonight. Glad you could make it."

The madame loosened her grip and Cortex landed on his feet. N. Gin gave his master a signal to move on. Turning his head to face the punch bowl he saw that the girls had all disbanded. There was a familiar face however, his beloved niece Nina. He approached her, taking a glass and filling it with punch.

"Nina! It's been so long since our last adventure, how have you been?"

Nina looked up in shock.

"Uncle Neo? What are you doing here? Aren't you a little too old for prom?"

"Nonsense Nina Nonsense" replied her uncle. "I'm just here to have fun, y'know catch up with a few of the locals and what not."

"Oh yeah, aren't most of them your experiments?" she asked.

"Yes my dear, my brilliance truly knows no bounds."

Nina looked into the crowd and watched as several animals were hooting and hollering while Crunch Bandicoot was doing a double barrel 2-liter chug of cinnamon Coke. Nina looked back at her uncle in disappointment.

"Whatever you say uncle." Nina said as she raised her arm. Her mechanical hand shot off into the rafters of the academy and soon after her body followed.

Cortex finished his drink and carelessly dropped it on the ground, shattering the glass into several dangerously sharp pieces. He began to shuffle through the crowds, doing whatever he could pass off as dancing while he looked around the room. He saw Megumi sitting in a chair against the wall scrolling through social media on her phone. She was always his favorite, with all the Asian influences she brings with her. His pants grew tighter with each step. It has been so so long since he had been able to get off. He had a grin on his face that was so deep he was showing his gums. He was about to pre when he stepped up to her. She noticed a presence around her and looked up from her phone to see the yellow man.

"Hello, enjoying the party?" She asked.

"Oh yes, it's quite the delight." Cortex replied. "Would you care to dance?"

"Sure!" Megumi said excitedly. She grabbed the little guy by the wrist and ran to the dance floor with him. Cortex tried his hardest to keep up with the younger girl's moves, she knew her stuff. Watching her hips sway left and right was purely hypnotic, she had cast a spell of horniness onto the man.

The doors suddenly slammed open. Like a Tasmanian devil, Crash Bandicoot came in like a hurricane. His sister followed closely behind. The mayhem of spinning suddenly stopped as he locked eyes with Megumi. The two stared at each other for a moment. Cortex saw all of this happen right before his very eyes.

"Sorry lil dude," Megumi said to Cortex. She jumped towards Crash and wrapped her arms and legs around him. They stumbled back further and further into the restroom. Sounds of love making quickly filled, causing everyone in the stalls to either panic and leave or cheer them on.

Cortex's brow furled, he began to get angry. Just before he blew his stack he calmed himself. He walked out the front door. A moment later Cortex returned to the prom, holding something. This caught the attention of Crunch.

"What's that?" he asked.

Cortex raised his arms.

"A gun" he said

He fired a pistol round into the crowd, the sound caused everyone to panic. The exits were stormed immediately. The bullet had struck Dingodile, which caused him to tumble over, knocking over the bowl of diseased chip dip he had still been painstakingly poisoning with his own bodily fluids. Cortex looked at Crash's sister with a blank stare. He threw the gun at her and walked out through the double doors. N. Gin must have known something like this was about to happen as he had already prepped the drop ship to leave. The ship took off back to space. Cortex shut his eyes, he knew tonight was going to be another lonely night with his hand.

As the commotion died down, Madame Amberly was taking stock of the situation. Scanning the room she saw Coco Bandicoot holding the gun, looking confused. Amberly approached the small girl. She put a hand on her shoulder.

"You should really think about your tact darling, this is the Academy of Evil not the Academy of Blindly Shooting Your Feelings Out."

Amberly pulled Coco's hands behind her back and cuffed them with a pair of emergency hand cuffs she had just for this occasion. She led the girl outside. All that was left was the groaning of a wounded Dingodile, a few cups rolling around on the ground, and the sounds of moaning from the wumping and humping coming from Wumpa Island's best hole. All in all it was a pretty good day for Crash.

The End


End file.
